I heard through the grapevine that Bruce Springsteen has a new album and a Superbowl performance coming up, complete with Rolling Stone cover story. In celebration, I reveal 10 little-known facts about The Boss here:
- Springsteen's patriotism knows no bounds. He created every American monument in the history of the country. Then, out of sheer humility, he credited other people. What guy!
- Bruce Springsteen's music is so magnanimous the state of New Jersey was created to contain it. Jersey sucks so much because The Boss goes on tour a lot.
- Springsteen concerts can last so long some people age visibly during them.
- No one truly in the working class has been able to afford to see Springsteen since approximately 1987.
- Federal Law bans Bruce Springsteen, Bono and Nas from being in the same church. Parishioners would would be trapped forever in a maze of Messianic imagery.
- Bruce uses the same alphabet as English translations of a Bible. This is a subtle hint that he was sent to Earth to save music through his piledriving arena rock and occasional acoustic ballads.
Jokes aside, I do like the man's music, and I'm sure the album's fine.
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