Music Videos that Should Be Musicals

With the news that Michael Jackson's classic video for "Thriller" will soon become a musical, I got to thinking "What other music videos should hit the stage?" For the sake of not coming up with the obvious, I'm going to exclude songs coming from concept albums and anything else Michael Jackson has done. His music videos tend to have more plot than most Jason Statham movies.

So, here goes!

Outkast - The Whole World

Plot: Perhaps a musical version of Charlie Chaplin's classic The Circus. But with hip-hop more brightly colored outfits.

Rihanna - Rehab (link - embed disabled )

Plot: A one-woman show about psychosis... perhaps caused by listening to "Umbrella" a few too many times (she can call for an "S.O.S."!!!). Also, lots of skimpy outfits and washing cars. (Note: This description was originally written with the song "Disturbia" in mind. I didn't change it because, well, funny how things work out).

Blur - Coffee and TV

Plot: I don't care. I just want to see a singing and dancing person-sized milk carton.

Kanye West - Champion (link - embed disabled )

Plot: I do think there is something to Japanese puppet theater. Perhaps a Kanye-puppet-starring Rocky-esque musical featuring Kanye's discography as its soundtrack!? AND it has a social message having to do with discrimination and overcoming adversity!? Yes? YES?!?

Pink - Stupid Girls (link - embed disabled )
Plot: A hilarious slapstick comedy... meditation on the presentation of women in the... media... I still think this is a good idea.

Or maybe starting with musicians and ending with musicals might be a bad idea...

If Lyricists were Ice Cream Flavors

Bob Dylan: Chocolate

Chocolate is a very classic flavor, but you can still find surprises when mixed with various toppings or combined with other flavors.

Lil Wayne: Vanilla

Vanilla plays nice with other flavors like no other. Any topping you wanna put on it, any ice cream flavor you wanna scoop next to it will work just fine, whether it's crushed Oreos, caramel or Fall Out Boy.

Ryan Adams: Cherry Garcia

Unabashedly proud of being a rock'n'roll historian who mines the past for present inspiration. Also, Cold Roses has a bit of a Grateful Dead sound.

The Wu-Tang Clan: Neapolitan

Multiple flavors bangin' up against each other for some delicious shit.

Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam): Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Tastes very good, but the chunks of cookie dough and chips make chewing very necessary. Also having too much cookie dough results in "Bushleaguer" and other spoken-word songs.

Joe Strummer (The Clash): Coffee

Very wildly energetic, but sometimes you just want something simpler and smoother that doesn't make you get up and do so much.

Jarvis Cocker (Pulp): Mint Chocolate Chip

Always fresh and delicious with the chocolate always around to add some extra diversity to it.

Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy): Friendly's Ice Cream Sundae

So much ice cream and topping it could be argued that it's trying to pack too much into a small treat. And a banana either for flashing in his blog or impregnating Ashlee Simpson -- I can't decide which!

Kanye West: Vanilla frozen yogurt

Not a real ice cream.

Bruce Springsteen: Helluva Guy

I heard through the grapevine that Bruce Springsteen has a new album and a Superbowl performance coming up, complete with Rolling Stone cover story. In celebration, I reveal 10 little-known facts about The Boss here:

• Springsteen's patriotism knows no bounds. He created every American monument in the history of the country. Then, out of sheer humility, he credited other people. What guy!
• Bruce Springsteen's music is so magnanimous the state of New Jersey was created to contain it. Jersey sucks so much because The Boss goes on tour a lot.
  
• Springsteen concerts can last so long some people age visibly during them.
• No one truly in the working class has been able to afford to see Springsteen since approximately 1987.
• Federal Law bans Bruce Springsteen, Bono and Nas from being in the same church. Parishioners would would be trapped forever in a maze of Messianic imagery.
• Bruce uses the same alphabet as English translations of a Bible. This is a subtle hint that he was sent to Earth to save music through his piledriving arena rock and occasional acoustic ballads.

Jokes aside, I do like the man's music, and I'm sure the album's fine.

Slate: The Spiritual Journey of ODB

I know - I'm not doing so well with the "updating every day" thing. No excuses, it's tough to get used to this whole "blogging" thing. Still gotta try my best, though.

Slate posted this excellent article about the manic kind of wisdom that kind of gets splattered all over Ol' Dirty Bastard's music.

Slate: The Spiritual Journey of ODB

It's somewhat surprising that Slate was able to come up with a full two-page article about Ol' Dirty and spirituality, but really, is there anything involving the depth of the Wu-Tang that can be surprising?* I listened to Nigga Please after reading the article, and it's tough not to miss ODB's style and humor. No one really does it like this. The closest modern hip-hop has is Lil' Wayne, and he's not even close. That dude's just eccentric. Dirty is off his fucking rocker. Listen to "I Want Pussy" and not crack up. I dare you.

Who else could get away with a farce like "Cold Blooded?" It's been about 30 minutes and I can't remember anything else but ODB warbling his way through the Rick James song over and over again. No one can make sense of the closer "Cracker Jack." Scary thing is, this album presents a pretty reigned-in version of ODB, produced by The Neptunes on their ascent to the top of the pop world, dueting with a pre-"Milkshake" Kelis. And yet he still blasts through it all like he loaded a cannon with a bunch of knee socks, Nickelodeon slime, slim jims and R&B records from the late 70s/early 80s, and lit the fuse.

*...that is, aside from U-God making a classic album out at some point? I'd be surprised, at least.

Friday Night Post

I came home just a few minutes ago (it is now midnight exactly) and Synecdoche, NY is still messing with my head quite royally. I recommended it, for the sheer fact that you might not like it*, and I think this country needs to experience more things that we don't like.

But that has nothing to do with music whatsoever. Here's something you might not like:



Have a fun weekend getting either the audio OR the visual out of your head!

*I like it... in hindsight.

Are You a *Sniff Sniff* Socialist?

Only a few days in, and I already broke my New Year's Resolution, but I have a good reason! I swear! I was under the weather, so I went to bed early.

While on my daily run, though, I got to listening to the bonus disc to Pulp's This Is Hardcore and remembered the brilliant lunacy that is "Cocaine Socialism." By the time the album was finished, the song had become "Glory Days" and switched its gloomy pessimism for a lest genuine-sounding optimism. It also lots some backup singers, horns and excess that just sounds right in hindsight. In the liner notes, the lead singer (Jarvis Cocker) explains his mindset when making this album, and it unsurprisingly is filled with betrayal, self-loathing, sex drugs and politics - the last of which seemed to toss him over the edge a bit.

The entire bonus disc is filled with lesser gems, from the non-LP single "Like a Friend," a personal favorite, to "It's a Dirty World," whose understated production seems as unseemly as the story it tells.

Different Class is Pulp's masterpiece, but I always find This Is Hardcore to be much more fascinating, as its themes seem much more psychological and internal. The sex in the title track and non-LP song "The Professional" are so perverse they sound like they're dripping with blood. Yet the last three songs on the album wind up being hyper-optimistic, like they have to mask the darkness that preceded it. The majority of the album comes off with the despair and loathing of a film noir, which makes the positivity of the ending unconvincing. Luckily, the reissued Deluxe Edition does an excellent job showing some of the early versions and discarded song, making the light at the end of the tunnel into a light at the middle of the tunnel.

I leave you with the video for "This Is Hardcore," which echoes my film noir sentiments.

This Is Hardcore:


AND Because I missed last night's post, here's another Britpop-related treat, courtesy of my friend Dennis:

I Ain't No Joke

This post is dedicated to Eric B. & Rakim. Not because either have done anything to get them in the news lately, but because I put Paid in Full in a little while back and was like "Holy shit! It's almost a dozen years since this came out and "I Ain't No Joke" just completely embarrassed my emcee skills!" And no, I have never even tried to seriously rap, but such is the power of Eric B's DJ and Rakim's nimble yet relaxed flow.



I ain't no joke, I used to let the mike smoke/now I slam it when I'm done and make sure it's broke.

No foolin'.

Seriously... There are few albums I go back to when I want to hear some incredible rhyming skills, and some straight hip-hop (not to be confused with the antithesis of out hip-hop, credit to the always Wayne's World "I am not worthy!"-worthy Jeff Weiss for that piece in yesterday's LA Times). Not a single chorus on this album... just rhymes falling on top of rhymes and the dawning realization that 99% of the flows I've ever heard just got destroyed.

Enjoy this piece of awe-stricken fanboyism, by the way. Thanks to Amazon selling the soundtrack to Notorious for 3.99 (HOLY F#$*IN' S$&T!!! THAT'S A GREAT PRICE!), I've gotten swept up in the hype for Notorious and will more than likely be commenting on it by Friday.

EDIT: Just realized that I accidentally bought the CLEAN version of the Notorious soundtrack. D'oh unto me!